went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
