It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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