things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This baby is an asshole
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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