So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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