umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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