took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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