i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
