I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
