seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
