scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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