We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The best revenge is premature balding
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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