Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
