yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
