Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
