it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
