its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
