so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize