she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
