i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
you made out with another girl for some wings
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize