Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
