Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
