Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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