you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
