He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
