I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
