My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
