First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
