My first STD was from a foam party
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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