Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
