Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Still dying that you shit outside
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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