this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
