You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
