on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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