I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Randomize
