and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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