peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
