You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
