I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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