I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
