i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
