I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
