why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize