We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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