I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
