But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
His nipple licking is glorious
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
