I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
