Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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