Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
