Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
