I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
