conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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