yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
