oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
