Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
