i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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