If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Best friends brother. Beat that.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Alive.
So much puke
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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