On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
