I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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