just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
