Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You can't special order awesome
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
