I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
