it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
