i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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