i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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