i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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