just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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