You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
