I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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