i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Randomize
