He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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