if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
