Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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