dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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