You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize