she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
