just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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