babies were throwing up all over the place
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
