If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
3 2 1 whiskey
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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