Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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