Betty ford says i'm here all night
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
