A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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